Disclaimer: Whatever I say in this blog is from personal experience only and may or may not work in your situation. I do not claim to be any kind of expert on marriage. I am just sharing what has worked for me, nothing more nothing less.
There is nothing more hazardous than traversing the twists and turns of married life, and emerging, I wouldn’t say “unscathed” exactly but let us say relatively scar free. After five years of married life, I consider myself a “pro” and while I made many mistakes and continue to make them, I believe that each one teaches me something. Marriage is a huge adventure as well as a gamble, and a lot of effort has to go in to make it work.
Tip #1: The Power of Silence
If you are an outspoken person like me, it will take you some time to master this and if you feel I am talking nonsense, believe me, that is what I thought at first when people used to tell me not to react to something annoying. Now, I know that if you can exercise the self-control and stay quiet, it diffuses many a volatile situation. You can always address the issue later when tempers are calmer.
Tip #2: Enjoy your Differences
I made the mistake of thinking my husband would be a carbon copy of me at the beginning. So when he and I disagreed on something or he did something that fell outside my idea of how a marriage should be, I would be greatly disappointed. I don’t know when the thing clicked in my mind, but somewhere along the line I realized that it is our differences that make us work as a couple. For example, I am thrifty while he loves to spend. So, we do manage to save some money while spending on important things. If both of us were thrifty, nothing would ever be bought in our household. So if your husband or wife is your opposite, remember that makes life more interesting.
Tip #3: Break the Mold
There is no rule as to what makes couples work and what does not, no matter what the life lesson gurus say. People can do “couple” things for years and then still break up. So there is nothing wrong with being an unconventional couple. My husband loves to cook and does it regularly. On the other hand, I cook stuff very rarely and I have my own niche dishes I like to make. I strongly dislike the idea that because I am a woman I have to be tied to the stove. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I were.
Tip #4: Blend into the Family
In an Indian marriage, you do not marry the guy or girl – you marry the entire family. So if you are predisposed to dislike your in-laws it just adds to the tension. Also, having them on your side will work in your favor – this is a hundred percent true. I get along well with my husband’s family and extended family and I feel it has only helped build the relationship he and I share.
Tip #5: Space is all Important
Being a couple does not mean you have to be in each other’s pockets all the time. It is all about quality time. Also, finding your own thing to do and your own friends is healthy for you, your marriage, and your spouse. Having a hobby or two also helps immensely. My husband loves photography and cooking and I love to dance and write. I believe that these have helped us in the way we interact with each other.
Tip #6: Stand your Ground
While I am a great advocate of “silence” it does not mean that you give in to everything your spouse says or wants. If something is really important to you, fight for it – be it your career or that friend whom the spouse dislikes or an activity that is frowned upon or even the way you dress. While compromise definitely makes a relationship work, too much of it and you will end up sacrificing important things and being unhappy which is something we do not want.
Life is uncertain and marriage even more so. You never know what is around the corner but what you can do, is enjoy the moment, and be there for the person you love. I hope that these tips can help you as they have helped me. And lastly, I would like to propose a toast to my husband with whom there is never a dull moment – he has made marriage more exciting than the wildest roller coaster ride for me! J
