My Extra Marital Affair

And this is where I reveal it all.. So prepare to be scandalized as you read on. Early on in my childhood, I had a severe crush on Bharata Natyam. My parents indulged my crush and actively encouraged me to pursue Bharata, sometimes even allowing me to neglect my studies. Bharata was such a possessive boyfriend in my teenage years that I had no other romantic entanglements during that period from teenage to early twenties. Bharata grew from being a crush to becoming a passion and then a lifelong obsession. The sharp edge of the feeling has dulled but always in the back of my mind, is the presence of my first love.

Life never works out the way you plan it – or at least not for everyone. So despite Bharata being my one and only true love, I took the practical decision of getting married to Corporate Job. Arranged marriages often end up being more lovey-dovey than love marriages. God graced me with this blessing. There was that period of awkwardness when I still had Bharata too much on my mind, but Corporate Job was pretty patient. He never gave up. He cared for me and my mother and fulfilled all my dreams of travelling abroad, being financially secure, owning assets and so on. How could I not love such a guy? We settled into a staid marriage and I thought he was my partner for life.

Fate was laughing at me, I am sure. For who would have thought, dull boring Indrani would ever indulge in an extra marital affair while being a respectable married woman? And this time the guy had a human persona – Best Husband and Friend. Would wonders ever cease? I met him and forgot that I was a loyal wife to Corporate Job. We rushed into a whirlwind affair and then as is the case with love mutually felt, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Therein lay the dilemma. Corporate Job did not merit this desertion. My wild fling wanted me to be a full time partner. How would I ever choose? I took the easy way out. I continued in my marriage while spending every free moment with my guy. And today I have to admit, that my first and only priority is my guy. Corporate Job is something that is slowly losing importance with me, and spending time with BHF is all I think about! What will happen to me?

Freedom of Spirit

Last year I wrote a blog about how the Indian culture was changing. Maybe because of the grey hairs that have appeared on my head since or the fourth decade of my life bringing added maturity I have been thinking a lot about an individual’s freedom to be the way he or she wants to be. Today morning, I was in my favorite place, the Dhakuria lake, when I saw a young teenage girl belonging to a rowing club jogging in shorts and a T-shirt. To me, she looked like the picture of good health and fitness, very attractive in fact. A little distance behind her, a lady in her sixties wearing a saree and sneakers (a ridiculous combination, if you ask me) was staring at this girl with arched eyebrows and a very evident look of disapproval. I surmised the shorts were what had earned the girl “the look”. 

I am ashamed to say that many a time I have caught myself staring at a girl who smokes or does something that does not fit into my idea of how a woman should be.  Nowadays, I have the good grace to scold myself mentally whenever I get such a thought. But when I look around I realize that in spite of all the talk about “women empowerment” and “international women’s day”, a woman’s place in society is still under question.

I was not brought up to be a feminist and I abhor the term. In many ways I am extremely conventional and traditional in my thinking. The height of my ambition when I was young, was to grow up, meet a boy, get married, have kids and have a decent job, not necessarily in that order. Fate of course threw that little plan to the winds. I dislike talking about my struggles so I will not elaborate on that. 

What I observe around me is that the son-in-law is still special and deserves special treatment. Rules for daughters and daughters-in-law are still subtly different, though of course people would go blue in the face denying it. At work, women do certain kinds of jobs well and fail at others – this is the general impression. Women are still judged by the way they cook and clean, no matter how hard they work as a professional, and yes, women themselves are the harshest judges when it comes to judging other women. If that is the case, we cannot really blame men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen. What women need to do is to respect themselves first in all the various shapes and sizes they come in. And that my friends, is the thought I want to leave you with this Saturday morning.