A Tribute to my Upline - Part IV

Once again, it was a complete family. Bijoy and Sova, Krishna, Milan, and Indrani and of course, Kaveri. Four years passed by like this. In 1979, Bijoy woke up one morning and taught his little granddaughter how to count from one to ten. Those were the last words he spoke to anyone.

It was the end of an era. An orphan at an early age, a freedom fighter, a finance professional, and a loving father and human being had passed away leaving behind his bereft family. For Sova, the lynchpin of her existence was gone.

Krishna and her mother were shocked when Debu did not come down for his father’s funeral and it was increasingly difficult to get in touch with him. That year was a dark one for this family. Financially things were not very good. They only had Sova’s widow pension and Milan’s earnings from his job as lecturer of Acharya Prafulla Chandra Roy Polytechnic.

Sova was also worried about Kaveri. For the first time she thought about what would happen after she was gone and realized that Kaveri would be dependent on Krishna. Debu showed no inclination of taking any kind of responsibility for his widowed stepmother or his sisters.

She grieved for her husband and for her children, who had tough lives ahead of them. Sova had dedicated herself so whole heartedly to looking after Bijoy, that now there was a huge emptiness in her. She filled this emptiness by spending most of her time with her four-year old granddaughter Thoko aka Nana aka Indrani.

Sova's Last Photo - Diwali 1979

She told stories to Thoko, taught her to play sa re ga ma on the harmonium, and taught her the basics of drawing. Thoko loved her granny and would run to her, whenever Krishna tried to slap her for some naughtiness.

Two incidents come to mind; one night, Thoko threw a tantrum. She wanted a pair of squeaky shoes right then. Krishna refused outright to entertain this kind of behavior but Sova picked up the little crying girl and walked off to Gariahat. The shops had closed by then. Sova woke up the sleeping shopkeeper and bought Thoko her coveted shoes.

The second incident was a daily one, wherein the moment Sova started chewing a pan after lunch, Thoko would force her mouth open, and take the half chewed pan out of her mouth and eat it herself. That was how close the two of them were.

However, Sova had neglected her own health most of her life. In Yangon, she would eat her meals after serving everyone in that huge house. Often if a guest came before she ate, she would give away her own food and go without. All this took a toll on her health.

A year after Bijoy’s passing, Sova was diagnosed with an advanced stage of stomach cancer. Krishna was devastated. She and Milan did all they could. Once again, Debu was not around to support.

Instead, Sova’s brother Shyamaprasad Das and his wife, Sikta Das, were a source of immense support to Krishna.

In the April of 1980, after suffering for 21 days in a small nursing home, Sova Bose breathed her last. Before she went into a coma, she saw a hallucination of Debu and his wife coming to visit her. Her last words were for her son, not her daughters. Sova had dedicated her life to Bijoy and Debu to the exclusion of almost everything else.

I still remember my father picking me up from school and taking me to the nursing home. He bought me a chocolate and did not mention that granny was no more. When I walked into the crowded room, and saw granny lying on the bed, I instinctively knew that she was in heaven. People were impressed when a five year old walked up to her grandmother and touched her feet, without anyone prompting her to.

Sova – daughter, wife, sister, mother and a brilliant culinary artist was no more. She had passed away leaving behind her two daughters, son-in-law, and me. I love you Dida and always will. Everyday I feel your love in my life and I hope I have lived up to your dreams for me.

This sums up her life for you all. Hope you liked what I shared about a woman who was unique. 

A Tribute to my Upline – Part III

The Bose family had a good life in Yangon. Kaveri was growing up fast and was a lovely baby. She loved cats and would get up to all sorts of mischief. An incident stands out in my mind. A Bengali couple had come for tea one afternoon. Sova was in the midst of making her famous chanar jilipis. Now, the jilipis were numbered for another event later. So, Sova served tea and some other refreshments to the visiting couple. Suddenly, Kaveri, who was playing nearby, ran up with two small teapoys which she set in front of the guests. Then she ran off again. A minute later, she came back with two glasses of water. Then again, she ran off and came back with two plates on which there were fresh jilipis.

After that she went back to her playing. Sova was dumbstruck while the couple who guessed that these had not been meant for them, chuckled and said, “Thairen! So you did not want to give us. But your daughter did! Haahhahhaa!” Sova had no choice but to smile and bear it...

That was Kaveri for you. Unusually generous and selfless, she loved almost everyone she met. Most of all she loved her big sister, Krishna, whom she worshipped.

By this time, Debu had completed his MBBS degree and Bijoy decided to send him to London to do his MRCP in medicine. Debu left for London amidst much fanfare. A couple of years later, in 1959, Bijoy retired from Burmese Government Service. He was a true patriot, who was determined to come back to India as soon as he retired. Krishna tried to convince her father not to move back, as they had a good life in Yangon. However, Bijoy was adamant. "My country, right or wrong!" was his response. So, in 1959, the four of them flew back to Kolkata, renting a house on Suren Tagore Road in South Kolkata.

It was possibly the worst decision of Bijoy’s life. His children who had known a good time in Burma were miserable in Kolkata. His health, after ignoring it for many years, started to fail. He took a job as a consultant in Raymond Industries but they never could get back the splendor of the days in Yangon. Sova was happy to be back near her family, who had by then moved to Kolkata from Dhaka. She would help them out in anyway she could, her mother and her younger siblings. She had a brother who was exactly Debu’s age and six years older to Krishna. His name was Shyamaprasad Das and he became great friends with his nieces.

Two years later, in 1961, Bijoy became totally bedridden with ventricular malfunctions and Sova tied herself to his bedside to become his nurse and attendant. Krishna was studying for  a Master’s Degree in Bengali from Calcutta University and Kaveri was going to South Point school. However, she suffered diptheria and thereafter, could not really keep up with the pace at school. So, Sova admitted her to Kamala Chatterjee School. Actually she had learning disabilities, which the educators of that time, could not diagnose and Kaveri never completed school finally.

Bijoy and Sova had helped people all their lives but sadly enough, very few ones came to help them in their time of need. In 1961, they moved to a smaller house in Ballygunge Gardens as Bijoy’s income had dried up. Debu did not do his MRCP, instead did an alternate degree and became a doctor in England.

Unbeknownst to anyone in Kolkata, he had fallen in love with this aunt Bela’s cousin and wanted to marry her. Debu had grown up to be a popular guy, and despite his rough start in life, he was an achiever.

Mr. and Mrs. Bose were aghast when Debu told them that he wanted to marry this lady. In their view, an aunt’s sister is also an aunt. It was Krishna, who convinced them to accept this liasion. Finally they did, and Deb married, taking his wife back with him to Wolverhamption near London.

Krishna completed her Masters and urged her parents to find a groom for her. She had not had any serious relationship, but she realized it was important to get married. From a newspaper ad, they connected with Chittaranjan Ghosh and Shanti Bala Ghosh of Behala. This couple were looking for a bride for their eldest son, Milan Ranjan Ghosh.

Sova asked Krishna many times, whether she would be able to adjust in a joint family. The Ghoshes had eleven children, two of whom had died in infancy. Krishna however, was determined to marry here as she had made friends with the youngest Ghosh daughter, Tapasri. A weird reason but I guess destiny has its own logic.

In 1966, Milan and Krishna got married. Sova gifted most of her heavy pieces of jewelry to Krishna. Debu did not bother to come down for his sister’s wedding nor did he send a gift. He had his own life with his wife and he had grown rather distant.

Sova had loved Debu for many years as a son. However, Debu after growing up would often insult his father, showing anger at the fact that his father had married again. He never expressed his gratitude to the woman who had saved him from a life of servitude. Bijoy and Sova were disappointed in their son. Then soon after, Krishna, left her in-laws house and moved back with them. She had not been able to adjust to life with the Ghoshes and her main reason was that Milan was not respected in his own house.

Sova was a conservative lady and this was not the ideal turn of events. However, she took it in her stride and when a few months later, Milan came to live with them as well, she genuinely grew fond of her son-in-law. Debu and Protima had two children, Keya and Protip and would visit India once in 5 years, playing the snooty NRIs to the hilt. In 1973, Krishna became pregnant but the baby died the day he was born due to CNS failure. Krishna became severely depressed as a result. She came out of this dark phase, only after she conceived again in 1974, giving birth to a daughter, Indrani in the winter of 1975.

Sova and Bijoy with Indrani

Sova loved her tiny grandaughter with all her heart and showered affection on her. She had journeyed from a young girl to wife, to mother, and now she was a grandmother. All the love that she had not been able to show Bijoy or Krishna or even Kaveri, overflowed onto Indrani, whom she called “Thoko” with affection.

Her day was divided between attending to her husband and caring for her grandaughter. The Boses and Ghoshes had managed to turn things around. To read more about Sova’s life, wait for my next blog post!

To be Continued…

A Tribute to my Upline – Part II

That first year was a period of adjustment between the young mother, Sova and her new son, Debu. To top it all, Bijoy had been sharing his living quarters with a number of his bachelor friends before he married Sova. When Sova and Debu landed in Yangon, most of these friends found other accommodation for themselves. Only one, Bacchu Kaku (I forget his actual name) stayed on as a paying guest. Sova did not mind as the house was huge and he was a nice chap who would tell interesting stories to Debu.

Initially Debu refused to call Sova, “Ma”. He would call her by tugging her pallu or by pinching her nose if she was asleep. Debu had a permanent limp as he had had polio as a child which the wicked uncle had not treated and Sova’s heart went out to the little child who had known very little affection before she came into his life.

Debu was highly intelligent and he was determined not to let his physical handicap stop him in any way. One afternoon, Sova spent a horrifying time, trying to get him off the ledge of the roof, where he had climbed to fly a kite.

In the meanwhile, Bijoy was rising fast in the Burmese Government and being a workaholic he hardly spent any time at home. After work he had his friends and clubs to go to. Sova was not a woman to complain and she began to devote herself to making a good home for him and his son. She was an excellent cook and finding that Bengali sweets were not readily available in Yangon, would make them herself at home. This earned her the nickname of “Mrs. Chanar Jilipi” (a Bengali sweet) that she made exceptionally well.

She made friends with two of the wives of Bijoy’s friends and so had some social life as well. A year after, Sova Rani became a mother the second time over, when she gave birth to Krishna, a daughter. They say that she was disappointed at not having a son and refused to see her first born when the nurse brought the baby to her. Perhaps she knew that a woman’s lot in life was tough or perhaps she wanted to give a son to her husband.

Later, she grew to love her first born, who was a dark-complexioned, doe eyed little baby. By then, Bijoy had been promoted to a new post in the Burmese Government, “Additional Finance Secretary”. Remember that this was pre-independence, in the year 1939, and it was the British people who were still occupying this part of Asia. Bijoy was highly respected for his financial acumen and he was a helpful soul, who helped any and all Bengalis migrating to Burma. On a daily basis he would get “help me” letters by the dozen asking for money or jobs or just a signature from him.

Sova would have constant guests of Bengali families who had moved to Yangon or were passing through. The house was never empty and despite having two small children, she saw to it that her guests were always properly looked after.

Despite being  a very good student herself, surprisingly Sova refused to send Krishna to school the first ten years of her life. It was Krishna herself who put her foot down and said that she wanted to go to Bengal Academy like her two little friends, Meera and Tultul.

Bijoy took a break from his busy schedule to take Krishna to meet the principal and being a bright kid, she got admitted to Standard V instead of III, which had been her ambition as TulTul studied in that class.

Sova suffered the usual pangs of her baby bird leaving the nest but then resigned herself to it. Debu was also attending school and Bijoy was talking about sending him to Kolkata for higher studies. The two siblings, Krishna and Debu were very close. Krishna worshipped the ground her big brother walked on.

The only mischord in this harmonious setup was that Debu was being influenced against Sova, by an aunt. This lady was married to Bijoy’s cousin and the couple stayed in the same house. Bijoy had arranged for a job for Tola, his cousin brother and Sova did all she could to help his wife, Bela. However, this lady was a poisonous person who created a lot of mischief.

Finally Debu came to Kolkata to study medicine at National Medical College and a few years after, Krishna who copied her brother, also studied two years in Victoria Institution in Kolkata. By then a third child had been born to Bijoy and Sova. Also a daughter, Kaveri Bose was God’s own child. She was a child with special needs but sadly enough her mother was kept too busy by her father to pay much attention to her.

It fell to Krishna, who was ten years older, to look after her baby sister most of the time. The Boses had built a good life in Burma and were a happy family. Would this last or would disaster strike? Find out in my next blog post…

To be Continued…

A Tribute to my Upline – Part I

Let me tell you a story today. A story about a woman much  before her times. Sova Rani Das was born in 1916 in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Born into a family of eleven brothers and sisters, she was the third eldest. Her father was a village schoolmaster and mother a homemaker. Sova’s family was plunged into poverty when her father suddenly passed away and thereafter it was a struggle for the young widow and her children to survive. The two older daughters were married and settled by then and helped out when they could. However, it was still tough. Sova was an exceptionally brilliant and talented young lady. Yet she had no arrogance and was the epitome of humility.

A mischieveous streak added to the dimensions of her personality and she would often lead her younger siblings into all sorts of naughty escapades. At the same time, she was diligent in completing all household chores and often would take up the slack of one of her siblings’ chores. Sova passed out of school with distinction and innumerable prizes and she should have studied further but for the fact that there were no funds to send her to college.

In those days, daughters were married off as early as possible and Sova’s eldest sister brought a proposal for her and her two closest sisters to consider. The guy in question was a widower with a young son, living in Yangon, working for the Burmese Government. Sova’s sisters both turned this proposal down flat, as they turned up their noses at marrying an older man with a child, who was bald and short too.

Sova on the other hand said that since she was not as beautiful as her sisters, she did not mind accepting this proposal. So, the marriage was fixed. Sova Rani Das became Sova Bose when she married Bijoy Kumar Bose. From day one, Mr. Bose told her that he would accept her as his wife, only after she became a mother to his son.  Saying this he sailed for Burma giving Sova the responsibility  of following him with his son in tow. Sova took Bijoy’s dictum to heart and devoted herself to becoming a good mother for the five year old.

The first step for that, was to rescue the boy, Deb Kumar Bose from the clutches of one of Bijoy’s uncles who had been using Debu as a boy servant in his household. Sova at first took the direct approach and went to visit her uncle in law. When she asked to take her son with her to Yangon, the whole family turned her down, saying that she would drown him on the way over, as she was his stepmother and not his mother.

Sova left the house dejected and sat on a rock to decide what to do next. Opposite to the uncle’s house was an ashram headed by Gauri Devi, a holy lady in Dhaka. Gauri Devi was sitting on the porch with her disciples when she noticed the young lady looking sad and sitting on a rock. She asked one of her disciples who the girl was. Everyone knew everyone’s business in that neighborhood and the disciple told her the story of how Sova wanted to take her son, but was not being allowed to by her in-laws. Gauri Devi sent the disciple to call Sova to her. When Sova came, she gave Sova some prashad and said, “Your wishes will be fulfilled, child!” and blessed her.

Mystically, soon after, another of Bijoy’s uncles who was at loggerheads with the one harboring Debu, came forward to help Sova. He got the tickets for a ship sailing to Yangon and arranged for a tonga. Then, he told Sova that Debu came out early every morning to empty the chamberpots and that was their only chance to grab him. Sova, braver than most people, agreed to this daring plan. And sure enough, the next day, she was waiting on a tonga for Debu to come out. At about 5:30 am, the small limping boy came out with a chamberpot which he could hardly carry. Sova did not waste  a minute but got down, ran to her son, snatched him up in her arms and dashed back to the tonga. As fate would have it, two of her sisters-in-law spotted what was happening and came out to grab Debu back, shouting obscenities at Sova.

The tongawallah though was an expert one and he set off for the docks, leaving the evil sisters behind. Sova reached the ship without further problems, and set sail for Burma to a new life with her husband and son….

To be Continued..

Sexuality and the Indian Woman

Deviating from my usual stance of writing about safe things, I have decided to talk about a bold topic this time. All around me, I see, read, hear, and watch a lot of things about diversity and gender equality, feminism et al. Very rarely, do people address the topic of a woman’s sexuality though. In the Indian context, we talk about sex in whispers and especially if you are a woman, the subject is taboo.

When I was growing up, I used to argue with my mother about curfew times, protesting that it did not mean that I was a virgin if I was home before dark or the opposite if I stayed out late. My mother however, never bought that argument and like a lawyer came up with counter arguments faster than you could say “Jack Robinson”.  Of course as a parent, she had safety and security issues on her mind.

Over the years, I have realized that if you want to be “acceptable” in the eyes of the society you live in, you DO NOT come across as a person with normal sexual desires. It is ok for a man to sleep around, he is just playing the field before settling down. If a woman does the same thing, she is labelled a slut or a whore or worse. Even more irritating is the fact that women are judged by the way they dress.  Last year, a colleague wore a deep necked top to work and was eve-teased a couple of times. The response to that by someone in a position of authority was that she should dress down a little. When would we start feeling comfortable walking on streets in a pair of shorts without being labelled “loose” or worse, being raped for wearing a mini skirt?

In social circles, a man having an extra marital affair is not as condemned as the other woman he is having it with. Are they not equally to blame? I am not promoting promiscuity or cheating on your partner, but my point is that rules should apply to all and not to a particular sex.

We have come a long way towards making women an integral part of the society, but unless we do away with such archaic notions and learn to accept each person for what they are, we shall be not be making real progress. My advice to all the free souls out there is to live your life on your terms and not be swayed by the fools braying by the road side. Go for it, gals!